Hmmm....not sure what to blog today. I have a haunting feeling lurking just below my surface that is effecting everything else; something pent up and held back; maybe even blocked or locked away; caged even or subdued. I can see the windows from the inside but not feel the warmth or the light from the sun. I can feel my body moving and my thoughts in motion; but not sense myself — somehow we are separated from me. It's not the first time but I don't remember the solution. I hope writing helps; why would't I remember something like that. I see the words leak from my fingertips and appear on the screen before me; feeling my eyes follow the tiny vertical line ahead of each sentence and wonder which is first — the words or the vertical line. hmmm..... That reminds me of a drawing I did once and I must track it down. I think I will create an alternate site for such doodles. Nonetheless, I feel as though I am almost fading from visibility....like in Back to the Future when the future Marty changed the past and erased his future.
People ask me all week "what is wrong" and I don't have the words to articulate what I don't know or understand; only it's evidence or footprints. They say you are so quiet; and yet it speaks volumes...I am trying to keep it down; submerged; hidden; but it seems to be the only thing in view. Maniac artists thrive on this kind of stuff....if only I were in a huge studio with canvas and paint all around me and emptiness; then the demonds could come out and play in safety. I am just trapped inside for a little while. I can feel the incubation occurring. That's ok; it's just "first home." The best part is that it involves no sadness; just an uneasy peace (yeah, that makes plenty of sense).
hmmm....
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